Scatter-brained Anonymous
It's been a while since I had the urge to write. Right now it's almost 5AM but I won't be able to sleep cuz I'm working nights now. I always want to write and brainstorm really late for some reason.
Saw the family for Christmas, it was nice... Something was missing though. I don't know what it was. I still don't know. Thanksgiving was better. Maybe just the fact that more family came for the turkey, I dunno.
New Years has become just another day anymore. I realize that the older I become the more that most holidays resemble any other day. Didn't go out, didn't really do anything.
This past 3 days something inside me sort of woke up though. All of a sudden I have more passion. In everything I do right now I feel happier than I did recently. I dunno what changed. I think it's all about whether I feel like I am making some kind of progress. When I believe that I am making a difference, even to the smallest degree and, perhaps, even just with myself, I live life fully. I feel that way at least. Progress = Happiness to an extent. Of course, true happiness and peace comes from only one place.
I'm looking into starting flight school to get my private pilot's license. It's one of my short-term goals that I have it within the next couple of years. I guess if you consider 2 years short term. It excites me too. I drove by the airport and surveyed the planes and I started grinning like some little kid when he hears the ice cream truck. Something about being a pilot that catches my interest... real similar to storm chasing. They both have a place in my soul that satisfies this craving, a craving not even a Snickers bar could satisfy, and I must do them both.
I decided I'm taking a storm chasing vacation sometime in May or early June. I haven't really got to chase much and I miss storms being in Houston. They get thunderstorms as you would expect, but not severe weather like the plains. Only dangerous lightning which is unchasable, unless you care to experience what an eletric chair times 10 feels like.
Nature is such an amazing thing.
During my flight to Amarillo, which was at 6:00AM, I was gazing out the window at the sunrise. It was probably the most serene sight I have ever viewed. It was so surreal I almost became emotional because I thought of how great is our Designer, the Creator of the universe. I just love the fact that everywhere I look I see Him and I feel Him.
I was in a restaurant on Sunday. I felt like eating some Chinese that afternoon, and I had to go by myself. It was around 2PM so most of the church crowd had left. There was only about 10 people in the room. 4 of them were at one table, and they were just out of church. They were black and you could tell they have one of those churches that is just upbeat, holy ghost flowing type of worship. One of them started signing and the Spirit really touched me. I felt Him move through the room like a tidal wave. It hit me so hard I busted into tears right there.
I sure miss being able to go to church on Sunday, worshiping Him, having fellowship with others. All of it. I just miss all of it. Hopefully, things will work out and I can find a good church and have the chance to go on a few Sundays soon. I believe church shouldn't be required for us, and if we don't attend then God doesn't see us as sinful (unless of course he has directly SAID to go, then that's simply disobedience), but at this point in my life I NEED it. For fellowship and worship and to feel the Holy Spirit more and more. The environment just helps encourge it.
I can't stand those churches that are so traditional. "Let's all turn to page 346 in your hymnals and sing "Gather at the river". No thanks. I'm not into gathering at the river, I'd rather be jumping around singing I've got the Holy Spirit or something. I refuse to go to church if I get nothing out of it and there's nothing wrong with that. I will never go to church because I think I have to. I will go because I have a passion to serve my Lord and talk to Him, and praise Him. Forget all these religious do-gooders who whine about you not going to church while they are your prototypical Sunday Christians. Get over yourself. Get past your pride. Seriously.
The important thing is this: Do I have a relationship with my Father, and how strong is it? Done. That's it. If the relationship isn't there then nothing else matters. Simple as that.
Ok, I'm done with my scatter-brained thought. I doubt anybody reads this through, but that's ok cuz I still said it and now it's out.
Have a nice, and too hot, week!
Saw the family for Christmas, it was nice... Something was missing though. I don't know what it was. I still don't know. Thanksgiving was better. Maybe just the fact that more family came for the turkey, I dunno.
New Years has become just another day anymore. I realize that the older I become the more that most holidays resemble any other day. Didn't go out, didn't really do anything.
This past 3 days something inside me sort of woke up though. All of a sudden I have more passion. In everything I do right now I feel happier than I did recently. I dunno what changed. I think it's all about whether I feel like I am making some kind of progress. When I believe that I am making a difference, even to the smallest degree and, perhaps, even just with myself, I live life fully. I feel that way at least. Progress = Happiness to an extent. Of course, true happiness and peace comes from only one place.
I'm looking into starting flight school to get my private pilot's license. It's one of my short-term goals that I have it within the next couple of years. I guess if you consider 2 years short term. It excites me too. I drove by the airport and surveyed the planes and I started grinning like some little kid when he hears the ice cream truck. Something about being a pilot that catches my interest... real similar to storm chasing. They both have a place in my soul that satisfies this craving, a craving not even a Snickers bar could satisfy, and I must do them both.
I decided I'm taking a storm chasing vacation sometime in May or early June. I haven't really got to chase much and I miss storms being in Houston. They get thunderstorms as you would expect, but not severe weather like the plains. Only dangerous lightning which is unchasable, unless you care to experience what an eletric chair times 10 feels like.
Nature is such an amazing thing.
During my flight to Amarillo, which was at 6:00AM, I was gazing out the window at the sunrise. It was probably the most serene sight I have ever viewed. It was so surreal I almost became emotional because I thought of how great is our Designer, the Creator of the universe. I just love the fact that everywhere I look I see Him and I feel Him.
I was in a restaurant on Sunday. I felt like eating some Chinese that afternoon, and I had to go by myself. It was around 2PM so most of the church crowd had left. There was only about 10 people in the room. 4 of them were at one table, and they were just out of church. They were black and you could tell they have one of those churches that is just upbeat, holy ghost flowing type of worship. One of them started signing and the Spirit really touched me. I felt Him move through the room like a tidal wave. It hit me so hard I busted into tears right there.
I sure miss being able to go to church on Sunday, worshiping Him, having fellowship with others. All of it. I just miss all of it. Hopefully, things will work out and I can find a good church and have the chance to go on a few Sundays soon. I believe church shouldn't be required for us, and if we don't attend then God doesn't see us as sinful (unless of course he has directly SAID to go, then that's simply disobedience), but at this point in my life I NEED it. For fellowship and worship and to feel the Holy Spirit more and more. The environment just helps encourge it.
I can't stand those churches that are so traditional. "Let's all turn to page 346 in your hymnals and sing "Gather at the river". No thanks. I'm not into gathering at the river, I'd rather be jumping around singing I've got the Holy Spirit or something. I refuse to go to church if I get nothing out of it and there's nothing wrong with that. I will never go to church because I think I have to. I will go because I have a passion to serve my Lord and talk to Him, and praise Him. Forget all these religious do-gooders who whine about you not going to church while they are your prototypical Sunday Christians. Get over yourself. Get past your pride. Seriously.
The important thing is this: Do I have a relationship with my Father, and how strong is it? Done. That's it. If the relationship isn't there then nothing else matters. Simple as that.
Ok, I'm done with my scatter-brained thought. I doubt anybody reads this through, but that's ok cuz I still said it and now it's out.
Have a nice, and too hot, week!
posted by Benjamin K at 1/04/2006 02:51:00 AM
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