Free gas here, no gimmicks.

I focused part of my week earlier in the month to search out experiencing God and improving the relationship that I have felt I am abandoning. I absolutely become disgusted with myself when I spend my free time doing nothing. Nothing, as defined by myself, represents a collection of the following assorted events: watching TV, typing in chat rooms, sitting around my house like a bump on a log and anything else that falls under the "I wish I would get up and make some progress, but I'd rather sit here and waste my day" category. Anyway, as I sliced and diced the umimportant occurrences from my daily lifestyles, it aided in the revisitation of a significant concept that I have let lie dormant. By sacrificing unneccessary wants for replacement by necessary needs, I make myself vulnerable to the Holy Spirit. Vulnerability to receive the annointing, and to share my innermost feelings with my confidant, Jesus Christ.

Being selfless and giving it all up to Him really lets God know that He is in control. As I read recently in an email, if God is your co-pilot then switch seats. I believe my inability to not let loose has begun to finally end by the grace of God. I have given Him control of almost all of me, and I'm letting Him work out the details so that I'll release completely.

Over the time that I spent talking to God, I wrote a poem that summarizes my prayer to the Lord. I am also writing a poem that symbolizes the answer provided by my Heavenly Father.

My prayer illustrates the idols I have made to replace God, namely sports gambling. I want God to be at the top for sure and so these are my words:

Playing the game of chance has always had its thrills
Anticipating the ball's bounce, risking the big bills
But does it really profit a man's soul
to trust in something so out of control?

Anger and remorse, a feeling of defeat
In need of a fix that is a little more concrete
Looking to the world to discover a solution
Just a temporary replacement to stop the revolution
An uprising of evil, tempations abound
I'm losing the identity I thought that I had found

Confused and dismayed, I look to the sky
Without any hope I ask, "God, Why should I even try?"
I cannot be perfect, I'll forever let you down
With your expectations comes a fear that I will drown

I expect the most from myself to know wrong from right
Lately it seems I sin completely out of spite
Why do I let evil filter into my heart
Building a nest for lies, and allowing the devil a headstart

I refuse to let lucifer win, but where do I begin?
I know the truth, I know the way
I ask you Lord, in Your Name I pray:

Wake me up from my nightmare; this life that discards you
I ask you to be included in everything I do
I don't want my possessions, I give them all to you
I ask you keep them from me, because with them I am through

God, you must be first above all wordly things
Please destroy my idols; only sorrow and loneliness they bring
Provide me with the strength to overcome the battle
If I happen to slip off my horse, push me back onto the saddle

In you I place my trust, I ask for your forgiveness
Cleanse my heart of this mess I've made, I want it to be sinless
Motivate me to be the man that I know you have desired
A Christian leader with a heart that is emblazened with your fire

Burning with your love, shimmering with your passion
Outwardly showing this world that Jesus is still in fashion
Holy Spirit rain down, annoint my weary soul
I'm hungry for your goodness, in you I want to grow

I want to know you God, I want to shout your Name
From this night on Jesus, I pray I'll never be the same!

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

By the way, God told me that although gas prices are rising, you can always fill your soul up for FREE at any of His nearby stations including: at home, in the car, at the workplace, in bed, in the shower or bath, at church, or even at the computer. Simply open the mouth, state out loud that you receive Him and be filled free of charge!

Live passionately and sincerely...

P.S. If you don't know already, a few scattered T-Storms will be in the area Friday, so have an umbrella handy. Also, Saturday morning should see a nice squall line develop and move thru southeast Texas. Just a precursor!

Tidbits

Well, I haven't posted anything in a while, and I continue to find the well dry in terms of creative ideas. I do have a few tidbits of what's been happening lately.

Anyway, most of my off-time this past week was dedicated to planning out an elaborate vacation for this June. The fam and I are traveling to the northeast, starting in Sandusky, Ohio, home of the best theme park ever, and then proceeding to Niagara Falls, Boston, NYC, Philly, and finishing in D.C. Collectively, I have spent close to 16-18 hours now looking into hotels, reading books on attractions, etc... but I love doing this. I think maybe I should have double majored in Geography. I had the opportunity to take a few geography classes, i.e. Latin American and U.S., and I thoroughly enjoyed them. I can stare at a map surprisingly for hours upon hours. Yes, I'm a nerd.

Yesterday was the first Easter I've ever had to work, but I managed to make my way through it. It's sort of odd to go through a holiday with nothing to show for it but a half eaten bag of robin eggs. Ahhh... it's funny though that I don't get lonely anymore when I miss the opportunity to spend time with family/friends. I guess it comes with the territory of maturing as a single adult in this world.

I haven't slept much this week at all, probably a total of 18 hours over the past 4 days. As soon as I made it to the house at 8PM today I crashed till midnight. I wake up though like I slept all night. It's crazy how the body can adjust to getting 4 hours of sleep a night so quickly.

The great thing about being a little sleepy yesterday was the fact that I was actually on the phone... with a girl... till 2AM. When's the last time I could say that? I haven't done that since my junior year in high school. Yeah, seriously that long. I usually cut phone conversations down to the a minimum because I always feel like I'm wasting time. I don't feel that way now. We don't have dead air on the phone, and I've already begun to open up more in our talks. She has such a heart for God and I yearn to talk to people with such a strong relationship for Him. It's encouraging!

I have the next four days off now. I might have missed the holiday, but I love getting up on a Monday morning to know that I won't be working for almost 100 hours. That's the great part of this job. I think my only real reservation I have with my occupation consists of the desk work. I'm not a fan of sitting for 12 hours a day and looking at computers. For one, my eyes will decline since I focus on nearsighted objects so often. Secondly, my neck stays in a 24 hour pain flux. It's really annoying. I think it's about time to find a nice masseuse.

Well, I'm only working 6 more day shifts and then I'm back on to nights until July 7th. They both have pros/cons, but I'd have to say the night shift is just a little better. Mainly due to the fact that we can focus on weather at night instead of all the busy work in the day that makes my nerves bad.

I've started Taebo, and I've probably done it about 7 times now. I'm going to try to drop about 15 lbs. and toughen up the abs and upper body. My pectorals and abs are very weak. I'm sure this would help support my back and neck to avoid any pains from work if I could strengthen these areas.

I saw TwoLiveCrew, the crazy 80's rap group, on Wednesday night. It was probably one of the funniest, craziest, and most disgusting nights of my life. Among the list of things to happen were:
1. Getting asked by a 40+ weirdo lady to dance
2. Watching my friend be put in one of the most embarrasing moments ever
3. Talking with Europeans that were here for a business trip who had come to check out an American rap group.. (bad choice!!)
4. Laughing non-stop for 3 hours because the songs were so ridiculous that we just couldn't help it. Songs that included "Me so horny" and "Hoochie Mama".

It was just such an odd night. Just weird, yet quirkily funny. My capricious personality has at the least provided me with some great stories to tell.

Well, in light of the fact that Easter has come and gone without so much as a glance from myself, I feel it is appropriate to avoid the internet and TV for the next four days. Right now, I need to get closer to God and let Him know how thankful I am for everything. So, don't expect to see me around for a week or so.

Cheers!

ps
Although most weather services aren't quite ready to predict rain for this weekend, I am fairly confident that most of Texas will see showers starting Thursday and as we head through the weekend. The positive is that many of the storms look as though they will be non-severe. I know Texas needs rain as a whole this year about as much as I can ever remember. The bad thing is that this disgusting high pressure just will not break down, and for April that is an impressive feat. Hopefully, the high pressure will not set up as a blocking mechanism so that Texas can enjoy a nice spring rain.