Speak Softly and Carry a Loving Heart

My parents are coming back to Amarillo with my grandpa, who I refer to as papa, from Denver. He had a heart attack in South Fork, Colorado while fishing. They took him to Denver in a Medivac chopper to care for him. The attack was minor, but the resutls of the tests show that with any more vigorous activity his heart could stop working. I spoke with him for 15 minutes yesterday, and just as I would suspect he was in good spirits about it all. The whole family knows it's in God's hands, so as hard as it is to swallow we all know what lies ahead. Both my uncles also made it up to Denver, so all 3 of his kids made it to see my papa. He basically will live as long as God allows, but the time could come with little warning. It will be hard... the man is probably the most amazing person I know. I've never seen him angry. Ever. He's never cursed. Ever. He's the most loving person I have in my life. We are close. Real close. I just pray that I have a few more years to cherish with him. I believe in my heart I will.

I just wish I could go fishing with him one more time. He is no longer allowed to do anything, so in essence his life has become a big boring nothing. He is always doing things whether it be home chores, traveling, working on rent houses, or many other things. I just feel bad for him that he can't enjoy the life the way he wants anymore.

He's funny. We talked about how he got to go to Denver in style and that the ride was bumpy due to thuderstorms... said the chopper was cramped and the nurses were nearly on top of him. How the hospital was feeding him slim pickins and all this healthly stuff. He's just so spirited.

Later down the road, I'll recall his attitude towards life. Optimistic. Confident. Loving. Understanding. Patient. He definitely fit the guideline: Speak Softly, and carry a Big Stick! His big stick was his loving heart.



But hey... I know I'll see him quite a few more times.

NYC - A world of its own

NYC was interesting. I don't really know how else to explain it. Of course, it fit the stereotypes of fast-paced, yellow taxis everywhere, bad traffic and the inevitable rude person from time to time. Overall though, it's never as bad as it's made out to be... just like any place put in a negative light.

We went to a couple of nice restaurants during the weekend. The first was called Cesca (Chess kuh), a country Italian joint. I don't think I could have selected a better place to eat. I know NYC has its share of magnificent eateries, but this place was simply amazing. The wait staff was probably among the best I have ever had. My glass didn't ever go empty. My food was awesome.. (Lobster meat in a pasta with farva beans in a scrumptious sauce) I thought it was funny that my parents froze when I ordered a glass of Merlot. I just wanted to see their reaction honestly... they actually excused it, although they are basically from the Prohibition era. I was mildly shocked. Anyway, the bill ran us about $240 with a $50 tip making it almost 300... but it was worth it. I'd rather drop 60 a person at this place than spend $20-30 at some dump. NYC definitely redefines my opinion on what makes a restaurant great. The second place we went was a quaint, dark-lit, pocket-sized steakhouse in uptown. It was cool but the food wasn't quite as good as Cesca. It cost us $400 with tip included and I thought it was mildly overpriced. The main reason probably being I'm not a big steak fan anyway and so the meat, no matter how well its cooked, isn't that great to me. We got to order a $10 bottle of sparking water and a $130 steak... yeah $130. It was 44 oz in size. We were stuffed but our wallets were empty. This place was more luxury setting. The first place I have seen with a bread crum remover gadget.

We spend the rest of our time at all the sites. Liberty of course, NBC studios with a tour of SNL set, brooklyn bridge, times square, dusk cruise around manhattan, the Bronx Zoo (the only time we nearly got rained out in NY), all of downtown (ChinaTown, Financial District, Little Italy etc...) parts of uptown and all the museums included, Central Park (although short lived due to time constraints and rain). The rest is kinda boring to talk about though. I did have one funny story about taxis though. My parents and my lil bro took a taxi to a museum about 1.2 miles away. My brother and I tried to get one but they kept passing us by... then one picked us up only to kick us out after we got in because he was "late for another passenger in Queens". So... we jogged... thru midtown NYC. It stunk because we had to wait for every dang red light.. we ran about 7-8 crosstown blocks total. We only made it 10 min after my family... so we just told them the taxi was a little bit slow and that he was lost. We made up a story and played it out until we got tired of fibbing. One more cool thing was the Empire State Building.. even though we couldn't see anything due to overcast skies that never left, we went up and got to walk thru the cloud deck. It was a first for me to walk thru clouds watching them pass thru us.

One more tip... if you want to visit NYC or Boston, have some $$$$$$. Parking cost no less than $25/day in NYC, sometimes up to $40. The food obviously cost a lot. The hotel cost $160/night in Boston and the one I got in Newark was the cheapest good hotel there was @ $110/night.
We spent over 2/3 of all our money in NY/Boston. If you want a cheap vacation go to D. C. Almost everything is free with the expection of somewhat expensive hotels (We got a Days Inn @ $110/night that was 2 miles from everything)

Anyway, time to get back to work again. I'll write one more little spiel about D.C., then I finished with my vacation.

Stop Whining!

So, I was thinking today. I whine too much on here. Not that it's a bad thing, but I bet anybody who happens to read this is thinking, "This guy needs to get a grip". I think I got a grip today after hearing that my grandpa had a heart attack. I mean, good God, I'm crying over some spilled milk and my grandpa is having heart failure. I guess that can put things back in perspective.

Well.. I have to work the next 6 days... all 12 hour shifts of course. I'm going to try to blog more often, and try to blog at work when I have the chance. I want to start writing more again because I have that urge to start collecting thoughts on an actual book idea. That'd be awesome if I could finish writing a book by age 25. Maybe I'll make it big and get rich off of my book. I think that could jump start a TV weather personality career making 6 digits for the rest of my life. It's nice to dream about anyway.

So, I'm really really looking for a church now in Houston. Once August rolls around I will for sure be attempting to find some place where I can alternate Sundays/Wednesdays/or some other day so I can make it each week almost. This week isn't happening as I work Tues-Sun. But give it about two weeks and I'm for sure going again. I miss it. I need friends... at least more friends. Ones that are in this area. Houston is so spread out that your nearby friends live 40 minutes away. It's crap.

Anyway, I gotta get to bed cuz in 7 hours I'll be getting up for another long work week. I want to talk about some things in NYC and D.C., so I think I'll make a blog about those cities this week at work.

God Bless

Winding roads of nowhere

So I have my internet back. My car back. My wallet back. My life as I knew it back. I actually don't mind having no internet for awhile. It does give me a chance to get away from a computer. That leads to less neck aches, and I'd say an overall healthier & happier lifestyle. Ehhhh...

It's almost 3:00AM... I broke my X-Box controller so I have nothing left to do. I figured writing is the next best thing.

I think I have a rage problem or something. I wonder if I should see somebody about it. I've now chipped the wall in two places, broken a pane off my balcony window blinds, broke two controllers, broke my stool and dented a wall when I threw the stool. I guess that's kinda serious. Ya know, I don't think too many people know that I get mad like that. Only my family and probably Ray knows.

I've had a temper for years now. I broke my last guitar in a fit of rage when I slammed my fist into it on accident. I meant to just hit a pile of clothes... my guitar happened to be under that pile of clothes.

I break lots of things. It feels good. It feels really good. I heard of a place that lets you pay $100 to be put in a room and let loose. They put breakables in it and you can just throw stuff and smash things. It sounds like a ton of fun. Probably cheaper than the stuff I break over a year period.

I slammed the XBoX controller into the ground today and it popped back up and hit me in the lip... it cut me pretty good on the inside of my mouth. I thought it was funny because it serves me right. After slamming it 4 times today it finally broke the 360 knob used to move the player. My player was doing all kinds of weird stuff on the game. I actually thought it was funny that I broke the controller. I guess there's something about destroying things that satisfies my anger. I remember I used to torture insects... like cockroaches and june bugs... and thought it was hilarious. I think a lot of oldest boys, or boys in general, in the family have the same issues. I used to ask my mom if I could break things before she threw them away. Just old stuff; lamps, old toys... you know, just junk. She never would let me. I never understood that. What's wrong with destroying trash?

When my last cell phone stopped working I didn't bring it in or anything. You know what I did? I threw it into the ground. I hit it with a board. I threw it up as high as I could to watch it fall and smash into pieces. I smiled the whole time. I was 21 then.

This all stems from the fact that I don't let go of emotions. That's the real issue. It doesn't have to do with letting go of anything that happened to me or that somebody did. I am very forgiving. The person who took my wallet stole the cash before it was sent back. I wasn't mad. I told God to look after that person and forgive them. It was only $120 or so. I've stolen something before so I can't throw the first stone. That's my method of thinking. So, things like that don't bother me.

I think it was just a very stressful week after my wallet was gone and I never showed any emotion over it. I had to be strong and just get things done. When the going gets tough, I put all aside and get things done. I am duty oriented and thought provoking at these times. I guess I should stop and relax but sometimes stress is cool to feel. After you make it through a stressful time, the moment right after is the greatest feeling. For some reason, when this burden of being stuck in my apartment was lifted, I became angry. I think it was the stress being released. I don't think it should lead to anger. I'm not an angry guy. People have said I'm a funny and very happy drunk person. This usually shows one's true character so it's not rage that's my problem. I just have too short a fuse. It's 99.9% only when I'm alone though. I wouldn't do that in front of people. No need to show a weakness. I have to keep putting up a face.. keep pretending.. keep showing others I am unfazed, unrelenting.

I'm tired though..I'm tired of not being myself... I'm tired of not getting to go to church... ... I'm tired of not having the freedom to do what's best for me.

I'm so up and down... up and down... up and down right now. Almost like a bipolar person. Disoriented, yet driven... driven to keep on moving along. Keep moving, yet seemingly down the endless circle, only to find myself back where I started. Have you ever felt that way? Just walking in a circle... spinning... spinning... dizzy at first, then getting used to it... I'm just tired of the same scenery. Routine rots the soul. Just like religious people have rotted souls. Because routineness destroys our passion. And passion is what makes us shine. Passion is sincere love. Without passion, our faith is dead.

No internet

Sorry fellas, my blog is down for now because my home internet is jacked up. I've been at work the last 10 days basically, but I don't have time to post anymore. So, I'll try to catch up with everybody someday soon.

Peace Out!

The weatherman is back

And better than ever... or maybe just wetter than ever.

After a fun-filled, rain-filled and upbeat vacation, it was time to come back. If only I knew what was in store on my return home I might have opted to chill in D.C. for the weekend. I lost my wallet on the plane from BWI Int'l airport; it still hasn't showed. I had a $400 compensatory check from Southwest since they overbooked my flight... Yeah, overbooked badly. I had to wait 24 hours to get a flight. I did get to stay in a nice hotel on them, however... I also had $400 in traveler's cheques, $120 cash, and of course my I.D., credit card, check card, student I.D., blockbuster card, gift cards, etc... They are all gone. Well, hopefully not for long. I followed the plane with the help of my aunt, who is employed by SWA, from Hobby to El Paso to Vegas to Phoenix to Portland. No luck. I still feel like whoever found it will return it. I mean, the only thing they can really use without detection is the $120 cash... and maybe the $400 check if they are brave. Anyway, I've already cancelled everything but the traveler's cheques. I haven't gotten to a bank yet... because my car decided to not start this morning. When it rains, it pours. Then, my computer goes on some strike and won't let me use the internet. I couldn't get any phone numbers because of it. I just guessed right. 1-800-Iflyswa I guess I remembered from the commercials. Well, if any good news came from it all I'd say it helps to return me to a full reliance on God. When I have no internet, car, or money I really am almost forced to look to the sky. Not that I should have to be forced but it does bring one back down to earth somewhat. I've been eating oatmeal and spending all the change I save to buy meals at Subway down the street. I only have to walk one block there and one mile to work so it's not a big deal. But enough with the rainy days, let's talk about the sunny times.

The vacation was fast-paced and wore me out a lot faster than I ever anticipated. We had some highlights through the trip, some expected and unexpected. We were flooded out at Cedar Point after getting to the main attractions. While in line to an indoor coaster a severe line of storms hit the park. I think the workers were more panicky than any of the guests, it was humorous. They thought the metal bars INSIDE the building would conduct lightning, so they told all guests to not touch the bars. We left after the storms relaxed around 5-6 PM. The park was pretty flooded so it wasn't going to open back up anyway.

We went up to Niagara Falls from there. It was a pretty cool way to really get the trip going. I caught quite a few shimmering pics of the falls. I thought it was crazy that a kid had fallen into the river (which is amazingly easy to do) and went over the falls with no bodily harm. It doesn't take more than a day to do everything, which is how much time we had. So, after going to Canada and eating ($108 for 5 at a casual restaurant) we went to the hotel for the night.

Cooperstown would be the next destination, home of the baseball hall of fame. I enjoyed the town in midstate NY. The upstate and midstate portions of New York are very beautiful. Driving through the back end of the Adirondacks was pleasing to the senses, along with the quaint small towns encountered along the way. I guess most people don't think of the state of New York actually being conservative and scenic, instead thinking of the misleading metropolitan area.

We spent about 36 hours in Boston following Cooperstown. We explored Fenway Park and the historic district of downtown. I definitely enjoyed the vintage sight of old churches, cemeteries, and other buildings. The real adventure was attempting to get to these places by the tram system. It appears to be easy, but it was anything but simple. After going to far, we turned around only to be on the wrong track. I said forget this and had us walk to Fenway. It was about a mile from where we were so we weren't that far away.

Well, I have to get to work right now.. I'll write about NY and D.C. in seperate posts this week.

Everybody have a great Independence Day!

-cheers